Category Archives: Paul’s Funnies
Paul’s Funnies – Kachalka Gidopark
Paul’s Funnies – A Mag In The Back
CRUISIN’ FOR A LOSIN’ by Paul T. Smith
Five Leatherman describe their favorite ways to strip a captive muscleboy of his pit hairs.
“It’s like finding a Golden Ticket,” says Big Mike. “You were just expecting the candy bar but then you see this.”
It’s armpit hairs. Most muscleboys shave them because of fashion or the habit of razoring their torsos to make their muscles show off more. But every once in awhile you come across a stud who has kept them.
The question is — what are you going to do with them?
Rip ‘em out painfully, of course. But how to go about it is a question of taste. Here are five favorite methods, shared by some of our favorite Top Men.
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This classic go-to is the favorite of Marius. “He’s already had it on his mouth, his wrists. He knows how it sticks.” Smash the tape deep in the pit, rubbing it on a bit to creative an adhesion. Then let it rip. “The sound is just as good as the pain,” Marius says. “When you first tear it off the roll or when you yank it off his pit. And dangling that strip in front of his eyes, showing him how many hairs you captured? Priceless.”
If he’s in the playroom for the weekend, Furry Dan likes to make it slow and methodical with the silvers. “Plunking left and right, individual or a group. Never knowing where it’s coming next. Messes him up good.” Place an extra pair in the freezer for that tongue-stuck-to-a-pole feeling when you jab his pit skin. “It gives him such a zap. I have to laugh every time.”
If a forced workout is what you have in store for your captured jock, Coach Ron suggests this time-honored torture. “Be sure just to place it on the top 70% of his pit hairs, not close to the skin. Let it set a bit – I make him do a 2 minute biceps flare show. Then have him start doing the flyes and shrugs. It starts ripping and tearing at the roots.” Applying more after the initial abuse might seem to make it worse but really doesn’t do much, say Ron. “But he doesn’t realize it. There’s a placebo effect. He thinks it will. So just pour it on just to get his reaction!”
“There is a bit of an art to be able to do this one,” admits Nikol The Tormenter. “You have to be able to rub them together like firesticks then integrate them into his hairs until they get so tangled there is no honest way to remove them except the severe.” But they don’t work for every young athlete’s pits, he admits. “Wooly type hairs won’t tangle and they resist the bands. But if he’s got those featherly-type hairs — oh yes, he is in for some harsh pain.”
A favorite for bucks who are trying to be tough, fight and resist their punishment is the method used by gum-chomping hardass Sheriff Lucas, who enjoys popping it in his captive’s face before entwining it in the wide open hairs and then slowly digging it back out. “The gum comes out, as does half his hairs!” The mixture of humiliation from the personal saliva gives this one a extra twist, but the best is yet to come. “After you do one pit,” says the Sheriff, “you look him straight in the eye and take out another stick from your pocket. Unwrap it in front of his face, put it in your mouth. And start chomping with a shit-eating grin as you just stare at that other pit. Oh yeah, he know’s he’s in for more trouble! It ain’t over yet!”
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Paul T. Smith is a regular contributor to Muscletoy Monthly, as well as talent scout.
Paul’s Funnies – Tough Guy
Paul’s Funnies – Magazines I’d Like To See
Paul’s Funnies – Lay-Z Boys
Paul’s Funnies – Gotta Get Some!
Another Single Frame Funny – Paul’s Funnies: “Muscle Toy.”

He was placed in the plexiglass box with the metal floor and ordered to flex his big bodybuilder muscles. Men watched as he put on a show. If his body stopped moving motion detectors would register it and an electric shock would emit through the floor. He had to flex constantly, any muscle group, or receive the painful shock.
The box provided three results: It forced him to put on a flexing show for the men, it caused his muscles to grow and pop into their largest size possible, and it drained him of every ounce of his strength.
There was a large timer clock set outside the box set for a countdown of an hour. If he gave a good show for that time limit he would be allowed to go free. It seemed like a possible goal. He did not know that the clock was rigged to add minutes when it reached its final 10. But by then he would be too disoriented to notice. He would only believe that he was too weak to finish.
When it became apparent he could flex no more, that he was totally spent, he would be released and the men would have their way. The bodybuilder would be at full pump and totally helpless for the “fun” the men had in store for their new muscletoy.